Markadamus Predicts: 6 Revelations from an Alter Ego

by Mark MacDonald, Staff Writer–

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Many people have alter egos. Bruce Wayne has Batman, Clark Kent has Superman, Peter Parker has Spiderman and Mark MacDonald has Markadamus: my sooth-saying prophesizing alternate personality. From where his mystical powers originate even I cannot say, but amidst his unintelligible mutterings are a small few prophesies of events to come. Here are some recent revelations of Markadamus:

  1. A Mario Bros. Movie Remake
The original theatrical Super Mario Bros. poster

The original theatrical Super Mario Bros. poster

It will be computer-generated, it will be 3D, it will be Mario Brothers: The Movie and it will be the highest-grossing film of all time. Parents, teens, young adults, and children of all ages will flock to see the approximately 90-minute film with barely any dialogue and amazing special effects. The cross-generation appeal of the film will bring in massive audiences across the world and lead to a sequel, Super Mario Brothers, a few years later. Look for Sacha Baron Cohen to play Wario in the second film.

  1. Megalodon Lives 

Somewhere in the depths of the ocean, the massive prehistoric shark still swims as it did millions of years ago. How it will be found is unclear, but in its belly will be several great whites – part of its diet. It will be found somewhere near the Marianas Trench, having traveled to shallower waters to search for food. The discovery will make headline news across the world, and will be featured on some manner of nature show, likely on TLC or Discovery Channel.

  1. There is a Planet X
Scoot over Pluto

Scoot over Pluto

Some scientists are already conceding the possibility of another planet in our solar system. I tell you now, it is more than possible; it is reality. Beyond Pluto, there is another planet, whose orbit has kept it away from Earth’s observation. In the near future, humanity will discover its presence, though most people will be unaffected by the discovery.

  1. Another Political Party will Emerge in the U.S.

The rise of Donald Trump and the anti-establishment candidates in the 2016 US Presidential election is just the beginning of a massive shift in the politics of the United States of America. Whether before the ballots are cast for Obama’s successor or shortly thereafter, a new political party will emerge to challenge both the Democrats and the Republicans. This will drastically alter the political landscape of the US for decades if not centuries to come. As for its name, even Markadamus cannot say.

  1. Lady Gaga will Star in the Remake of Labyrinth
A shot of Lady Gaga doin' her thang

A shot of Lady Gaga doin’ her thang

The Jim Henson classic 1986 film will be remade in the coming years and it will be pop artist (and Bowie fan) Lady Gaga who replaces the late David Bowie as the Goblin King. Many will criticize this casting, until, that is, they see the film. Gaga will absolutely crush the role, and the soundtrack will be among the top-selling albums of that year.

  1. Other Life in our own Solar System

Whether it’s under the ice of Europa, on Enceladus or hitchhiking on an asteroid in the Kuiper belt, we will find primitive organic life in our own solar system. It may be a squid-like aquatic creature deep in an ocean or a fluke worm-looking microbe underground, but we won’t have to go beyond Pluto to find it. Somehow, weirdly enough, the news will come and go and people will get on with their lives without much interruption.

So are written the revelations of Markadamus, and when said events come to pass, remember that it was he who prophesized it. Certainly not me.